St. Patty's Day

Let’s just say, St. Patrick’s Day warranted itself an entire post today. It was a hectic, long, and very green day. And it all started with me forgetting to wear stupid verde.

The moment I walked in the doors of the school this morning I groaned. Green shirts. Green pants. Green headbands. Green shoelaces. Green bracelets. Green socks.

Don’t get me wrong. Green happens to be my favorite color. It’s just that the conformity of it all drives me insane- it’s not voluntary either! Negative reinforcement, folks.

You don’t wear green = pain.



So when I walked into the school and looked down at my glaringly black shirt and jeans to the laughter of Andrew, I admit my heart sunk a little. A whole ‘nother day of being pinched on my sensitive flesh by people who use this one day of the year to bully others within social permission. Maybe I’m exaggerating. Maybe I’m just upset because I haven’t remembered to wear green on St. P’s day for years. It just keeps coming up before I realize it! Like it’s out to get me right on my non-green wearing butt.

So before school, the first person to pinch me was Leah. She spotted me from a mile away and swooped down with an “Aha!” –Ow…

Seconds later Andrew turns to me. –Ow… only his doesn’t really hurt because he would never hurt me, right? *angel face*

“Pinched you…” he says. He must’ve forgotten on the way into the school, I’m sure, because of my reaction to all the green-clad students.

Two down, more to go. And throughout the whole day I begin to acquire so called ‘rules’ of St. Patrick’s day. The first I learned after I attempted to pinch someone who wasn’t wearing green in what might’ve…possibly…maybe been a slightly vengeful act.

1. You’re not allowed to pinch someone if you’re not wearing green yourself.

Well, this puts me out of the running for the entire day. Thanks. A lot. This puts anyone not wearing green at the mercy of those who are- this could be comparable to discrimination. Who wants to be colorist?

First period was psychology. Of course, as soon as I sit down I’m pinched. This time by Kira. –Ow…Stupid, stupid, stupid… Mara says she would pinch me but she doesn’t want to pinch Kirby! Yay! But Andrew seems to either like pinching me or already forgot that he pinched me before school and pinches me again. –Hmm…By now I’ve decided that I’m going to chronicle my day, and as I sit there considering my fate I realize that on Shamrock Day there are five different types of people.

1. People who wear green to be obnoxious. They choose this fad. These are the fanatics who scan the halls and classrooms for those not wearing green, and attack them viciously with pincers. Under this category falls anyone wearing a shirt that contains the word “Irish”, anyone decked out with an entire green outfit complete with green pants (where do you get those?) and a neon headband, and anyone who has to call their parents because their shirt has an overflowing mug on it.

2. People who wear green in order to avoid being pinched. This is where the conformity and negative reinforcement come into play. These poor people don’t choose to wear green, but must remember that morning to pull on a green shirt in order to steer away people from category one.

3. People who forget to wear green but are lucky ducks enough to have worn something green anyways. These people just got lucky, that’s all. They go through the day thanking whoever their god is for letting them put on a green shirt or green socks, and in every conversation concerning the matter say “I forgot (insert laugh here) but I happened to be wearing green (insert clothing item here) (insert another laugh here)”. Fun.

4. People who forget to wear green, but either A, scrounge their environment for anything green and tack it to their body, or B, lie about it. (What’re you talking about, I’m wearing green underwear!). Under this category falls those hapless souls who scribble a star on their hand in green highlighter, those who tape a green piece of paper to their shirt, and those who tie a green ribbon they got from a friend to their arm.

5. People who forget to wear green period. This group doesn’t attempt to fix the error of their ways. This would be where I fell in. This category doesn’t give a darn about the fact that they’re not wearing green, and usually pass through the day resenting St. Patrick. ‘Nough said.

In psychology Andrew had a fiasco with his water bottle. I thought it merited a mention. Kira and I wanted to try his ‘cranberry’ powder, which one pours inside one’s water to create a cranberry mixture that tastes nothing like a cranberry. But that’s another story…

Andrew gave us each some of the powder, and we each go to shake our waters to mix the powder in completely. A fraction of a second later I screamed right in the middle of psych.

Andrew, the brilliant one that he is, forgot to screw on his cap all the way before vigorously shaking his water bottle… water shot out at the seat in front of me and went all over the floor.

Fail, Andy.

Theatre was uneventful except that I learned another ‘rule’.

2. If you’re Irish you don’t have to wear green.

Well, I don’t know if I’m Irish! Neither does anyone else, for that matter, so I could just say. Oh, I’m Irish, you can’t pinch me. What?... no.

I got pinched again in yearbook, by a category one fanatic, Kasey. She’s standing outside the classroom door, looking at all of us lucky enough to be going through the door.

“You got green? You? No, no green?” –Ow…

Another pinch in yearbook came from Hillary. Thanks Hil Baby! –Ow…

At lunch I nearly went insane. In the cafeteria for one lunch alone, just casually waiting with a friend, we spotted NINE girls with green bows in their hair. NINE. IN ONE LUNCH PERIOD. Be original, people.

In German I was spared another pinch by Alissa, who also didn’t want to pinch anyone. Yay for compassionate category ones! (She was one of two girls I saw wearing a green clover tie).

Afterschool I was pinched again by Andrew, who took advantage of the fact that I could do nothing but glare (until tomorrow hehehe) and learned yet another rule:

3. Only people who are Irish can pinch people.

Just another thing I have to worry about, eh? St. P’s day is not my pot of gold. I need to find another four leaf clover.